why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
