There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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