watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
