I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
