I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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