I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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