mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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