And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
