trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
