And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
