On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
