3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
