this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
