Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
