I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
