Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize