what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
