i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
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