I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize