i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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