I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
