You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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