I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
