Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
