I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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