You can't special order awesome
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
