It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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