I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
