I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
