Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
