High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
