that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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