how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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