Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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