I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
