You work out of a Hotel?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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