Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
