I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
