how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
