all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
