There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I need to align my fucking chakras
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