The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
