is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's never too late to be topless.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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