I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You pole danced in your parka.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
