sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
