I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize