It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
