i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
