U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
