Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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