Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
