I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
