So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
