Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
