I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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