Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
