I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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