imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
