We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
