I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
