chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my shit smells like andre
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
