I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
