I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
