I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
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