Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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