I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
