I'm gonna have a badass scar
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
